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Mary Fairchild

How Many Christians Does it Take to Change a Light Bulb?

By August 6, 2010

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Foursquare Gospel
For a while now we've been dissecting and investigating Christian denominations. This week it's time to examine the Foursquare Gospel Church. However, if you'll indulge me for just a bit, I'd like to digress from all the seriousness with a joke my pastor told in a recent church service.

This humorous illustration punctuates the vast diversity within the body of Christ. More importantly, it causes us as Christians to laugh at ourselves a little, and hopefully allow some walls of division to fall so that unity of the Spirit can reign over us as brothers and sisters in Christ.

So ... How Many Christians Does it Take to Change a Light Bulb?

Charismatics: Just one ... Our hands are already in the air.
Pentecostals: 10 ... One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
Presbyterians: None ... The lights will go on and off at predestined times.
Roman Catholics: None ... We use candles only.
Baptists: At least 15 ... One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad.
Episcopalians: Three ... One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks, and one to talk about how much better the old bulb was.
Mormons: Five ... One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.
Unitarian Universalists: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
Methodists: Undetermined ... Whether your light bulb is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb or tulip bulb. A church-wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring a bulb of your choice and a covered dish.
Nazarene: Six ... One woman to replace the bulb while five men review the church lighting policy.
Lutherans: None ... We don't believe in change.
Amish: What's a light bulb?
Foursquare Gospel: Four ...

If you're familiar with this joke (it's been around a long time), you'll notice that I added the Foursquare Gospel Church at the end, but I didn't include the punch line. After you study Jack's articles, I invite you to take a stab at finishing the joke. Please add your punch line suggestions to the comment section below.


Image: © Foursquare Church. Used with permission.

August 10, 2010 at 12:29 pm
(1) Karen says:

How many Foursquare church members does it take to change a light bulb? None. If God’s grace isn’t enough to light your way, you aren’t where you’re supposed to be in the first place.

August 10, 2010 at 3:57 pm
(2) Chris says:

One. if you think the right thoughts and make the right decisions then the light will turn back on by God’s grace as a sign that you are on the right path.

August 10, 2010 at 10:56 pm
(3) Robin says:

None…they can’t find a square light bulb.

August 11, 2010 at 11:13 am
(4) William Jerry Guthrie says:

Changing Light Bulbs:

This brings me to the question. Have you ever changed a light bulb or participated on the committee that did?


August 11, 2010 at 1:04 pm
(5) paul says:

4 … 1 to do the work, and 3 to say “I’ll hold the ladder”.

February 28, 2014 at 11:09 am
(6) darrylrlewis says:

Church of Christ: CHANGE?!!!!

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