Lisa faced hard times as a single parent. When she could no longer find work she turned to drinking and eventually drugs to avoid the depression that had set in. When Lisa's addiction caused her to lose her three kids, she still wouldn't quit. The same day she was arrested, Lisa picked up a Gideons Bible and God spoke a strange message of hope to her heart. In jail, the exact same message was brought to her again, and at that moment Lisa's life took a complete 180-degree turn.
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Lisa's 180-Degree Turn
God has caused me to do an "about-face," a 180-degree turn in my life! He pursued me when I wasn't looking for him. I didn't know how to find him.When I was a little girl, somehow I didn't get the full message of the gospel when I went to church. I just knew that I wasn't good enough to make it into Heaven, and that it was my fault Jesus had to die!
As I got older, I began to look for self-worth in all the wrong places. After having three children I found myself alone, just me and them against the world. In the end, I learned how to do a man's job because it paid more. I became a pretty good welder, but it was really hard work.
My boys were my biggest fans. They were so proud of me. They stuck by their mama no matter what. We started making changes. They had nice clothes, and we always had a terrific Christmas.
But then my drinking got to be more habitual. Partying with friends became a way of life for us. After all, they had kids too, and it didn't seem to be harming them!
Depression I Couldn't Shake
Soon I couldn't find the welding jobs anymore. With that I lost my motivation. Depression started to settle in, a depression I just couldn't shake.I was taught never to ask for help, so I didn't. I had never struggled so hard to provide for my boys. For over a year I couldn't find a job. Things just kept getting worse with no car and no job.
Then, a new neighbor moved in. He was a "meth" cook. It all just happened so insidiously. When I was high, I didn't have to "feel" the depression anymore. I became addicted long before I would admit I was addicted. I stayed away from home longer and longer. I just couldn't stop myself.
Welfare was concerned with the condition of the trailer we were living in. I was so cold to them, all they did was judge me instead of help me. So I moved to Kansas City to get away from welfare, and possibly the meth.
Losing My Kids
My parents and I had a falling out and the boys and I moved back to Springfield, where my old neighbor, the meth cook, was living with one of my old girlfriends and her kids. I learned to shoot up all by myself, I could barely consider quitting. Welfare swooped in and took my kids, and still I didn't quit.Then one night about five months later, I happened to pick up a Gideons Bible. I opened it up and my eyes fell on Matthew 5:29 where it says, "If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell." (NKJV)
Something Akin to Hope
I thought "What?!" Then I read the next verse, and that's what got me. It said, "And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you ..." My right arm was causing me to sin. It was the one I shot up with all the time. I sat back and pondered this. My heart was racing. Somehow I deciphered that there was something akin to "hope" in these words I was reading. I felt I wasn't doomed after all.That very night, I was arrested and put in jail. I cried, and cried, and cried some more. Until then I hadn't faced the truth about abandoning my kids. I had not been capable of facing it. The meth had been my crutch, but now I didn't have it. I didn't even have a cigarette, but I did have food and a bed.
The girls in the jail said the church ladies came on Monday nights. I had arrived on a Tuesday and had to wait a full week. But their visit was canceled. I was more than a little disappointed. I thought to myself, "Wow, I really was excited about seeing them!" I didn't know why. But by the next Monday, I was ready for them! I think God was preparing my heart during those two weeks in jail. He gave me time to sober up and realize my hopelessness and my need for Him.
The Holy Spirit Speaking
One of the church ladies was named Gloria. She handed out little papers with parts for each of us to read aloud, so that we could take turns. I think mine was number three and I could feel something building up inside my heart. My turn came to read and I began to read aloud, "Matthew 5:30 - If your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you ..."Go to Page 2 of Lisa's 180-Degree Turn
