I gasped loudly. My eyes were as wide open as my mouth! I looked at Gloria, and quickly back at the words. I started to cry. I mean, really wail. How could this be?!
Finally, I explained to her about that night when I was arrested. I told her how earlier that day I had picked up a Bible by chance and read this very same verse! I begged her to explain to me what this meant. With wide eyes, glancing around at the other church ladies, she said, "The Holy Spirit is trying to tell you something!"
I gasped again. "But why?" I asked.
Then she explained that Jesus had died for me, and that he doesn't intend for anyone to perish. She said that everyone who calls on him will be saved.
I asked, "How do I get saved?"
That's when she turned to Romans 10:9, and as I was looking over her shoulder she read, "If you confess with your mouth Jesus is Lord ..."
Quietly and timidly, before she could even finish, I said, "Jesus is Lord." I felt him enter into my life, and I was overcome by it. I sat all hunched over and couldn't talk anymore.
Gloria gave me a Bible and left, but still I just sat there in shock. Something had happened, and I didn't know what to do about it!
So for two more weeks, alone in my cell with my Bible, I would test him. I would open up the Bible and let my eyes fall where my finger pointed and let him minister to me. And oh, the tears! I can't tell you the anguish I went through as he spoke directly to my heart. It was amazing.
Confessing My Sins
I began to confess my sins—all of my sins—to Jesus. And I took him up on every one of his promises that I came across. And then I would test him. And let me tell you, he has been absolutely, one hundred percent faithful to his Word.His love for me is so special. Right where I was, he loved me. Having abandoned my kids, having chosen meth over them, he opened his arms and I ran to him.
My life has not been the same. I don't lie anymore. I don't smoke or do any drugs. I regret losing my boys and the hurt I caused them every single day. But somehow, God has placed me in a town no more than 10 miles from my boys! I had no idea at the time! And although I don't get to see them whenever I want to, I do get to know how they're doing and give them gifts.
I seek God's will in every decision I make. I put him first in every area of my life. I trust him with everything that I am. After all, he first loved me when I was at my most unlovable. My self-worth is in him. I am valuable because he says so. And that gives me true joy!
