I was fine before I believed—my belief did not come from personal struggles or difficulties. When I heard the message, though, I knew that it was up to me to accept it or reject it. I started reading the Bible—and wow, the words leapt off the page! Before, I could hardly read a verse without extreme boredom, but now I tore through the whole Bible like it was the best book ever written. It was unbelievable. Of course, later, I found that this is a gift. Even now when I catch a glimpse of a Bible verse on a billboard, t-shirt or whatever, a little bubble of joy leaps into my heart. I still read it every day, and I taught myself Koine Greek so I could read the New Testament in its original version.
But, the most amazing thing—something I will never understand—is a personal revelation that was so convincing and so mind-blowing that it left me no option of ever turning away from God. I was reading the story of Paul's conversion and also the story of Pentecost one night. I thought, Well, Paul had it easy. If someone knocked me off my bike, blinded me and spoke to me, of course it would be a no-brainer to believe. But, we have no visible evidence these days, so it's harder. Paul had it easy.
I went to sleep and then abruptly woke up. I felt as if something was about to happen. All of a sudden, these incredibly hot waves of energy were pouring over the top of my head, making my ears ring loudly with each wave, and making my body boiling hot. I touched my arm, thinking I must be about 110 degrees, but my skin was cool. It was only on the inside that I was burning up. Then I had a very quick "dream" in which my brother Paul (I do have a sibling named Paul) was sitting on my bed laughing at me. Also, a whole load of people (at the time I had the impression they were my brothers and sisters) were milling about in my bedroom. I woke up again and was still very hot and feeling blown away. My ears continued to ring.
A Pentecost Experience
At the time, I didn't understand the "dream" because I didn't know how my brother Paul and my family were related to the hot energy feeling of this experience. Later, I realized the guy looked nothing like my real brother, but instead had sort of a bowl haircut and was a lot shorter. His laughter had seemed to say "you asked for it, you got it." I guess somehow I got Paul's attention by saying he had it easy. I also realized that it wasn't my real brothers and sisters milling about the room. I didn't recognize them as my real family members, so they must have been "brothers and sisters" in Christ. Anyway, that was it for me. It was a real Pentecost experience—a baptism of fire—and one I could never have imagined on my own. I mean, I've certainly seen those pictures with little tongues of flames on everybody's heads, but these hot, incredibly intense waves of energy that poured over the top of my head were nothing like that at all.God teaches us, and that is what has been happening to me since. As believers, our lives change immediately because we interpret events differently, have new priorities and see things through a different schema. I am constantly amazed at how similar my thoughts are to other believers. Of course, some of this is certainly prompted by Bible reading and sermons, but there is an eerie similarity that is so deeply shared it suggests another source.
I am also amazed at my capacity for praising God. This is something I had never done before, nor had I wanted or known how to do prior to this. Currently, it's one of my greatest joys. The idea of praising God for eternity seems totally fantastic to me now.
It is almost impossible to believe that I feel this way, knowing myself and the way I was before. How could I change this much without even really wanting to? That is, I did not set out on a mission to know and love God, even after I believed. These things seemed to just happen by themselves.
A Conviction to Share
Now I know that there is definitely a God, and that Jesus is the way, the truth and the life. Because I am convinced that this is the truth, naturally, I don't want anyone to lose out. However, it is very hard to convince people that you want them to believe just because you know it is true. Mainly, people think you just want them to believe as you do. They say, "It's fine with me if you believe, but why do you think I have to believe the same?"I have never felt that people should believe as I do in any other part of life. But, because I am convinced that this is the truth and really matters in this universe, I want those I love (at least) to know the truth as well. My testimony, as far as I can tell, has convinced no one, even though people respect me, like me, and (I think) they know that I am not even close to being a raving lunatic. In fact, I am a scientific researcher. But, still, a radical personal experience and a firm personal faith do not seem to be enough to have an impact on others. I am still searching for a way that will help convince people that God reigns.
