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Noah's Living Water
Jesus said, "Whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst" (John 4:14, NASB), and Jesus has completely quenched my thirst!Starting With My Childhood
I was raised in a loving Christian family. We went to church regularly, held Bible studies at our home, and at times, my dad was the leader of our church. As a child, we were all about God and life was good. My expectation was to be walking to elementary school one day and be lifted up to heaven. Well, that glorious dream didn't happen.Instead, my dad, our church leader, fell down a slippery slope more than once. Each time it temporarily drew my family away from the church. Just before my senior year of high school, my parents got divorced and church became a thing of the past for all of us.
At one point, I did put forth an unfaithful attempt to ask God into my heart. This, of course, did not lead to any of God's grace, mercy, or peace.
Through most of high school, I turned away from the right path and indulged in sex, drugs, and rock and roll. College came, and as an engineering student, I continued heading in the wrong direction.
Living to Feel Good
Living to feel good was my belief system, and instead of church, I was practicing drinking, smoking pot, drugging, dancing, and chasing women. I was a regular party guy who acted as if I was loving the life I was living. But honestly, I never felt truly satisfied or complete, due to "the passing pleasures of sin" (Hebrews 11:25, NASB). The highs of life were really high and the lows were extremely low.This pattern carried on for many years after college. I continued to find myself in and out of relationships, fearful of commitment, generally angry, short-tempered, impatient, resentful, judgmental, and a person who could never be told anything. Meanwhile, I started working out at the gym, which led to me being prideful, comparing myself to others, and foolishly thinking I looked good.
During those times, my mind was extremely perverse. I highly doubted God, due to my unstable spiritual childhood, technical education, overall lack of faith, and because, "The natural person does not accept the things of the Spirit of God ... he is not able to understand them ..." (1 Corinthians 2:14, ESV).
2009 found me living with my girlfriend of over four years in our house with her two children, ages six and seven. She had also been raised Christian, but had not practiced for many years.
Trying to Please Myself
Our relationship was great until she realized I wouldn't commit to marriage. Not knowing for years that this was the main underlying problem, I carried along selfishly and stubbornly, trying to please myself, and constantly complaining about wanting more from her both emotionally and physically.Every few months we would have a large argument and attempt to fix it with no real gains. Without putting God first in our lives, neither of us was happy. We slowly drifted apart until she completely let go of our relationship. By the time I realized this and attempted to fully commit to her, it was too late.
I found myself driving away from my girlfriend and her children for the last time. Imagine the deep range of emotions I battled: hurt, sorrow, emptiness, regret, shame, anger, loss, fear, failure, guilt, loneliness, faded dreams! I cried often.
Thanks to God, my brother and dad had already returned to following the Lord. My dad was desperately trying to get me to do the same. At the very end of my relationship with my girlfriend, we had started going to church with my dad as an attempt to aid our relationship. But it had been too late.
A Message for Me
The Sunday after leaving my girlfriend, I found myself alone at church crying profusely. The pastor was doing a mini-series called "Got Dysfunction?" That day's topic was written for me—selfishness. I had just spent the last two weeks denying Christ to my dad and to the pastor I was then listening to. My dad said I was on a path of destruction. The pastor had asked me, "Do you want to stand before God and not be 100% sure of your place in heaven?"These thoughts were flying through my head, along with all the shame and regret I was feeling. The memory of getting wasted at a bar the night before was with me, too. Is this really the life I want? How many more failed relationships will I have?
The Lowest Point
Now, praise God for the best thing that ever happened to me! I was sitting alone at church ... crying profusely. Loneliness, sorrow, and guilt surrounded me, bringing me to the lowest point of my life. The pastor then gave an open invitation for anyone interested in praying for a new spiritual birth.I accepted! "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new" (2 Corinthians 5:17, NKJV). With complete faith, and the true, serious intent of walking with the Lord (unlike when I was younger), I made things right with God by receiving Jesus into my heart.
I asked him to transform me into a new spiritual creation! "Most assuredly, I say to you, he who hears My word and believes in Him who sent Me has everlasting life, and shall not come into judgment, but has passed from death into life" (John 5:25, NKJV).
Something Amazing Happened
I now had eternal life. My sins were forgiven. I stepped out of my past life. No more worrying about being "thrown into the fiery furnace, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth" (Matthew 13:42, NIV).Although the tears still come and go, my body, soul, and spirit had started a transformation, from being a self-centered creation to a God-centered creation.
Living Water
I realized that Jesus had quenched my spiritual thirst! He is the life-source of spiritual water! For the first time in my life I sensed a feeling of completeness, an inner contentment, a new-found joy. My desire to sin had been dramatically reduced.God gave me inner peace. My high strung days were over. All glory and thanks to God, I no longer smoke, do drugs, or get drunk. By receiving God's forgiveness for my sins, I'm inspired to love and forgive others.
In the days following my spiritual conversion, I began praying, going to church each week, reading the Bible, and building a personal relationship with God. He stabilized me and helped me through the loss of my girlfriend and the family we had formed.
My shame and regret were nearly wiped away. Now, if I get sad or lonely, I start praying or singing to God, and those feelings pass.
Within weeks, God led me to a new church where the outreach and support are phenomenal. Almost instantly, new friends and family surrounded me. God filled me with a passion for him. He began to humble me, and gave me the desire to serve others. I've gotten involved in the church. My life has purpose.
There is now little time to dwell on the past with so many great things happening in my life—and life is better than ever! Looking back allows me to see and realize that because I was not putting God first in my life, I was simply reaping what I had sowed—spiritual death instead of spiritual life.
Thank you, Jesus!
