Ever since she was a young girl, Ammie found an escape through writing. She thought one day she might write a great American novel. But instead Ammie found comfort in writing about her relationship with God. She doesn't write to shine a spotlight on herself, but rather to be a witness of the good things God has done in her life.
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Ammie's Escape
I have felt compelled to write since I was a young girl. I found great joy in writing short stories and poems when I was a teenager. As a very shy person I find it very hard to express myself face to face. In my mind I get so angry with myself, and even count to three working up the courage to speak. However, on a piece of paper I am able to do anything. I can create a whole new world where I feel comfortable.I often used poems as a means to express my feelings of distance, sadness and loneliness. I gave up writing as a young adult, and after that I felt a loss. I always promised myself that I would complete the story I was meant to write before I was thirty. However, that time has come and gone. I tried to tell myself that it was a child’s dream and to move on.
Today, though, I find myself here with an overwhelming urge to write. I have been praying a lot, and my testimony keeps coming to mind. Normally, I wouldn't even consider it. The thought of people knowing things about me, things I've tried to hide, frightens me to no end.
Seeing the Bigger Picture
I used to write as an escape, and not to direct a spotlight on myself. As time moves on however, I've become more comfortable with writing about my personal relationship with God. When I took the focus off of myself, I realized why it had taken me so long to write. I didn't see the bigger picture. I just saw my personal struggles out in broad daylight. Now, I realize that it is my testimony that I am meant to write.All this time I thought I was meant to write some great American novel. If I would have focused more closely on God, I would have realized that my path was laid out for me. I just had to be obedient, and have faith.
Isaiah 55:8-9
“For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord.
“For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways,
And My thoughts than your thoughts." (NKJV)
We are all meant to give witness of Jesus, and this is my way of witnessing.
A Whole New World
My earliest memory of God was when I was five or six years old. I was in the waiting room of a doctor’s office and there on a table was a children’s book about God. It fascinated me. I learned of the ark and all the animals that entered it and the parting of the sea. My eyes were opened to a whole new world.I fell in love with the Creator of the universe. From then on I communicated with him often.
As an adult I have struggled with my flesh a lot. Looking back I can see the damage that I have created in my life because I allowed my flesh to have control. I have made poor decisions from choosing the wrong career, as well as bad financial decisions. It is so easy for me to get lost in the world of selfishness, especially now. Everywhere you look there is something to keep you preoccupied and away from your prayer life.
It's easy to forget who you really are. For example, you can live vicariously through reality television, video games and online communities. I have allowed these simple devises to rob me from the ultimate gift, my relationship with God. All the while he continued to call me.
Trusting God
Letting go and trusting God has been an ongoing learning experience for me. The times that I have let go and trusted God are the most amazing experiences in my life.I remember one time in particular when my husband had a vasectomy and my firstborn was only six months old. I was absolutely devastated. As I tried to dissuade my husband from going through with it, he told me that is was all going to be alright. I would scream inside, “How is it going to be alright!”
Prayerfully, my husband regretted it and agreed to have it reversed. That alone brought so much relief to the pain I was experiencing from possibly never having another child. However, my hope was greatly diminished when I found out the cost of a reversal. I knew we couldn't possibly afford it.
