Leaving My Comfort Zone
I had an intense fear of being a victim. The only reason I was sitting there on that couch that day was because 6 months earlier I had come to know the Lord. I was being pushed to open those dark spaces in my heart that I had filled with hate and mistrust. The Lord wanted me to throw all that out and replace the coldness with warmth. You see, for me to pick up the phone and call that counselor was completely out of character. I was tough and strong because of my bad childhood; asking for help was out of my comfort zone.I needed help to accept the help that I needed. I had grown used to feeling as though I was a burden to people. I never told my parents or my family about the abuse that I suffered. Nobody except my closest friends knew about my drug and alcohol use. I was living a lie and it was making me miserable.
The day the Lord touched my heart I began going to church. I knew nothing about the Bible, nothing about the Lord, and I didn't have a clue what I was going to do once I stepped foot inside the church, but I knew I was going to give it a shot.
That first day in the church I couldn't wipe the smile off my face. I had no idea what they were talking about, but people loved me there. I got hugs and handshakes and people welcomed me. The language was foreign to me and I had a problem with that. I have always felt as though anything worth doing is worth doing well, and if I was going to continue this venture then I needed to start studying. My husband bought me a Bible and my new friends in the church led me to some great books. I was actually getting “church smart” within a couple of months.
Learning to Feel
The more I started to understand what the Lord had done for me, it became easier to dissect what had been done to me. I started looking at my past, and talking to people about it. I learned that it is okay to feel.Have you gotten to that point?
As difficult as it is, we won’t heal until we give ourselves a chance to feel. The Lord doesn't get angry with us for being angry, even if we are angry with him. He wants us to have a picnic with those feelings so we can grieve. Then we can find stable ground and secure our place with him as our Lord and Savior.
The Lord can’t work with a person who is operating in his or her own strength. We have to give up control, submit completely to the Lord, and understand that we can be weak, because he is strong. Our Lord wants to take care of us, and he sends the right people at the right times to help us in our trials.
Don’t be afraid to hit your knees and say, “Lord, I need help. I can’t do it on my own. Please put somebody in my path, and please Lord, give me the humility to ask for help.”
Isaiah 42:16 says, “I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them." (NIV)
