I wanted to share the so-called "wisdom" I had discovered, so in 1994 I wrote and self-published a self-help book called, How to Gain Love, Respect, Happiness, Health and Wealth: Personal Perfection of Your Mind. (Today, I don't believe most of what I wrote back then, so I plan to re-write and re-title the book, Helpology).
My role models in life were Tony Robbins and Oprah Winfrey. I wrote an acknowledgment to Tony Robbins in my book saying, "Thank you for helping me learn how to help myself and others." Moreover, my unrealistic goal in life was "to become the most helpful person of all time." Little did I know the Bible says, "If you really want to gain knowledge, you must begin by having respect for the Lord" (Proverbs 1:7).
For a short time I quit smoking, drinking and doing drugs. I was so proud of myself. But now one of my main problems was I actually believed I was better than everyone else. Little did I know the Bible says, "If you are proud, you will be destroyed. If you are proud, you will fall" (Proverbs 16:18).
Self-Centered
I really thought I knew it all. Believing I was the "god" of my own universe, I became extremely self-centered, and I was proud to call myself an atheist. I had no idea the Bible says, "Foolish people say in their hearts, 'There is no God'" (Psalm 14:1).Pleasure-Centered
At age 25 I still felt empty inside, so I turned back to cigarettes, alcohol and drugs. But this time, it would get much worse. As a social experiment I became a bartender, male stripper ("The Italian Stalian") and massage therapist. Although I still believed there was no God, I didn't realize I was worshipping the "god of pleasure."By age 27, I had been divorced three times (with three children), bankrupt, addicted to crack cocaine for two years, and my health was failing. I knew if I didn't change I would never know my children and soon die a horrible death. At that time, I was a drug addict and starving dishwasher in South Beach, Florida. To survive, I was eating food scraps like a dog off the dirty dishes I was washing. So as a last resort to save my life, I joined the United States Marine Corps for food, discipline and money for college.
Job-Centered
During Marine Corps boot camp, I quit cigarettes, alcohol and drugs by replacing them with physical training and good ol' Marine Corps discipline. But after graduation I was lonely, so I started smoking cigarettes, drinking alcohol and sleeping with many different women again. I'm ashamed to say that by this time, I had been with more than 200 women.I thought I was just partying and having fun, but I was really destroying myself. I ended up polluting my mind, body and spirit in evil ways. This reminds me of what the Bible says in Galatians 6:7, "Don't be fooled. You can't outsmart God. A man gathers a crop from what he plants."
