Just before totally giving up, I got sick and passed out. My husband rushed me to the hospital. I heard them say, "code blue," but all I could see was my life passing in front of me and a big bright light. I kept saying, "I am sorry, Lord, forgive me and give me one last try. I will serve you until the day I die." And I thanked Him, because He answered my prayer.
The Doctor Sent Me Home to Prepare for Death
When I got out of the hospital three months later, they told me I had Primary Pulmonary Hypertension (PPH), a lung disease. But I had given my life to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, so I didn't worry. That was in 1983. The doctor sent me home to get my life in order by preparing myself for death. But I went home to life with Jesus and prepared myself to live. I could do this because I had never felt love like this before. That night I placed my arms around myself and cried like a baby. I was crying from a mixture of love, hope, peace, and a feeling of truly being wanted.
It has been 22 years since then. They say a person with PPH usually only lives 5-7 years before needing a lung and heart transplant. I have not had either one yet, "Thank you, Lord." I have had some ups and downs with this illness, but my walk with Jesus Christ has made it all worth while. I have had 3 strokes and several mini strokes, but looking at me, you can't tell. God has a protective hand on me.
Full Circle
Because of His love, He has taught me to love myself. This in turn taught me how to show love in my family and marriage. God brought my life into a full circle. If you were to ask me if I could live my life over again and change some things, I would tell you, "No!" In the middle of my hurt, pain and sin, I got to meet Someone who would never leave me, Someone who I had been searching for my whole life, Someone who loves me in spite of my faults. I found true love, a love better than my husband's love, my mother's love, and the love of my kids.
Now I serve a wonderful Savior. In return he gave me a beautiful relationship with him and with my daughter. He showed me how to rebuild my marriage, and then he gave me a son. He knew my heart's desire was to have two beautiful kids. Now I love to tell people just how good God is.
I remember once when I was in the hospital and the doctors came and gave me more bad news. I smiled and said, "Thank you." When they left I started singing and laughing. My roommate, who heard everything, pulled back her curtain, looked at me and said, "How can you be smiling, singing and laughing after what they just told you?" I said, "My life does not rest in their hands, but in God's, for he gives the final report." That is why I have so much joy and peace in my life. I found real love!
