Then I found the Bible which my grandmother had given to me. When I started to read it, I discovered that while the passages of Scripture so often quoted to me were indeed there, they were in a different context. For example, Scripture did say that a woman should submit to her husband, however, what was never explained was that there should also be mutual respect, love and honor!
Rediscovering God
I started to rediscover the God that had been revealed to me so many years before. Psalm 27 was the first piece of Scripture that I owned as mine. Although I didn't accept Jesus into my heart until four years later, I learned that it was all right for me to move in so many different worlds. However, I was acutely aware that there was a danger that this would be attributed by others to my schizophrenia, with which I was diagnosed at age fifteen. So, I did not reveal this to anyone. The only humans I confided in were the night people.
When I did become confident enough to invite Jesus into my life, my perception of the world around me began to change. I came to accept that there were certain things that happened for which I had no responsibility. I was already aware of how detrimental the misuse of Scripture could be. I began to immerse myself in the Bible, but soon realized that if I were to understand and be able to apply its principles to my life, I would need help.
I was only part way through a Bethel Bible Study course when my faith was again confronted. I was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor, and only expected to live for a short time. This news shocked me into believing that others should be in control of my life in the future, a belief that fortunately was soon corrected by God.
Surrendered to God
After completing the Bethel course, and also gaining a diploma to teach it, I surrendered my life to God's control. I had realized by this time that the things I had learned from my grandmother were gifts that could be used in ministry. My survival techniques have also been useful when I've been almost overwhelmed by pain and stress.
Yes, the tumor is still there and is steadily robbing me of coordinated movement to my right side. However, God has blessed me. In spite of the doctor's firm assurance that I would have to be in a high-level assisted care nursing home if I did indeed survive for as long as I have (it has been over a decade since that prognosis was given), I still live independently, still minister both on the streets and online, and I'm still studying.
Fortunately, as my illness has progressed, some of the street folk have stepped into leadership positions with both the Bible studies and the nightly meetings, which has meant that my workload is lighter. So you can see, God has not abandoned me. And through my life, his glory is being shown to so many, medical professionals included.
I long ago decided, with my General Practitioner's agreement, that I should allow God to be in charge of what happens in my life from now on, with minimal interference from the medical profession. I do take medication that brings pain down to bearable.
My baptism as a believer today is but one step in my journey. However, to get here, I've had to overcome a lot of the negativity that I have experienced during my life. I have also had to confront my fears. I do not expect my life to be trouble free from now on, however, I am secure in the knowledge that God will never leave me, no matter how alone I appear to be.
