Introduction
Thomas was earning a very high salary, yet still he suffered from an aching void within. He felt there had to be more to life than just making money and pursuing a career. Years of pain and anguish brought him to a dramatic suicide attempt, yet through it Thomas discovered - in an amazing way - his Shield of protection.Thomas' true story is one of many uniquely featured testimonies from you, the members and visitors of this site. Each story reveals a life transformed by Christian faith. If your relationship with God has made a significant difference in your life, we would like to hear about it. Submit your testimony by filling out this Submission Form.
God is My Shield
I was financially stable and deeply rooted in 'Corporate America' as an administrator for two respiratory care departments. I was a working professional in the medical field with twenty years of experience at two New York hospital centers. I had all the material possessions that people seek. I had all the bells and whistles that the secular world strives for, at least I thought so at the time. To top it off, I had a caring relationship with a great lady by the name of Connie -- a wonderful, loving, and caring woman that I had searched so long for and was blessed to find.Trying to Fill the Void
Yet there was something missing in my life - a void, an aching hollowness, a lack of completeness, a lack of meaningful purpose for my existence that I just could not find or fill. Material possessions, drugs, alcohol, and switching relationships – these pursuits would not satisfy me for any length of time. They always left me coming up short. Nothing could make me feel complete.
I did not understand at the time that my life needed "eternal purpose." I thought I had achieved my purpose – after all, I had succeeded at the 'Great American Dream.' I thought life was just about having fun and meeting my needs. As much as Connie pleaded with me to stop my destructive behavior, I could not. Connie cared so much for me, but could not watch me kill myself one drink at a time.
I was so blind to it all. I robbed her of health and peace. I was so selfish and self-seeking and ended up hurting the very one who meant the world to me. I loved Connie and she loved me, but I did not love myself enough to change. Something drastic was about to happen.
Darkness in My Soul
The darkness in my soul seemed to grow and I watched it overpower me. With this, and a combination of alcohol and a bankrupt spirit, I turned away from the last positive thing in my life. I decided that death was the only answer for me - the only way to escape the despair I was in, to hopefully end my pain, and the pain I was causing those who loved me most.
I devised a plan, a fool-proof plan that would be successful to its very ending. I examined it thoroughly -- inside out, forwards and backwards. "A perfect suicide," my darkened mind rationalized, "A blaze of glory." I set the stage during the time when the fewest amount of innocent people would be walking around to possibly get hurt - one o'clock in the morning, to be exact. I planned the location. I knew where the police would be firing from - a backdrop of an embankment. I was in sort of a soup bowl. I did not want any stray bullets possibly harming anyone else. No one was to be hurt except for me. The stage was finally set for my final exit.
Attempted Suicide by a Police Bullet
I phoned the police by calling 911. I said, "There is a crazy guy running around the complex with a gun." I was living in West Knoxville at the time, and had mapped out my plan in the field out in front of the apartment complex.On that fateful night of September 16, 2003, I painted a bull's-eye on my chest. My purpose for doing so was to send a message that would inform my sister that this was a planned suicide. I did not notify anyone of what I was about to do. No last minute phone calls. This was not a cry for help. I was prepared to die.
