I would cringe whenever I saw people looking at me in "that way." Tall people know what "that way" means. A look of shock, disgust, horror - or, even worse, someone whispers to a friend in a way that you know it's you they are discussing. The friend turns around very discreetly, acting as if they are not looking at you, but at something in your direction, and then they look at each other again and start giggling. Or there are those other occasions where people try to stand next to you just to get a cheap laugh from their friends.
Being Treated Like A Freak
I would feel bad when I got into arguments and then I would get mad at God for my feelings of guilt. I'd be like: "Errr, helloooooo! What are you convicting me for? They – people who you created - were being mean to me. Why should I feel bad? Did I start it? I was only defending myself! Why did you make me this tall in the first place and put me in a land where you knew I'd be treated like a freak?"
I did things to make myself fit in. I was waiting for the bus one day when I was in secondary school with the coolest girl who happened to be smoking. Without even thinking, I asked her for a drag of her cigarette. She looked at me in surprise and asked, "Do you smoke?"
"Yes," I lied. I took a drag of her cigarette but didn't inhale. I didn't want to choke to death on my first public attempt at trying to be cool! The next day it was known that I was a smoker, and it raised my profile considerably. For a while I hung out with the cool kids and would sneak off to the toilets with them for a forbidden but image-enhancing ciggy.
An interesting turn of events came when I was picked to play basketball for the England Under 15 Squad. The one thing that every tall person on earth is expected to do is play basketball, so in response to the second question at the beginning of my story, I can say, "Yes, I did play basketball!" I was one of eleven girls who were chosen from the whole nation to be part of the squad. I loathed every second of it! However, my time on the squad led to three interesting discoveries:
- I loved to travel.
- Boys – tall ones!!
- I couldn't give 100% to anything I wasn't passionate about.
Ripping My Heart to Shreds
A major turning point in my life occurred when I was nineteen years old. I took a trip to my country of origin for the very first time. I was visiting the market with my aunt, brother and sisters. Suddenly people began scurrying around frantically; I thought the market was being raided by police because not all of the people trading goods were doing so legally. My aunt asked a stall-holder what was going on and we were told that the traders were putting their stuff away to stare at me! I'll never forget the crowd of people; men, women and children, all laughing, pointing, staring, calling me names and basically ripping my heart to shreds. I couldn't believe that people could be so wicked. At that moment hatred for God welled up in my heart and I vowed to never believe in him again - ever.
Upon my return to London, I plunged myself into finding someone who could reduce my height. I read up on height reducing operations and contacted every person involved in the occult that I could find who I thought could do it. This became my passion, my obsession, my reason for living. I was absolutely convinced that somebody somewhere could accomplish this feat.
One vivid memory I have of that time is when I rang up a "black magic" practitioner based in North London. I felt foolish as I stuttered and stammered out my reason for calling: I asked if he had the power to reduce my height. I will never forget his answer. "No," he replied, "I'm not God." That statement blew my mind; a witch doctor acknowledging that God's power was greater than his! Amazing!
A Contract With Satan
I was undeterred, but an incident that could have potentially cost me my life, served as a wake up call. In a ceremony performed in my bedroom, I wrote a contract to Satan in my own blood, telling him that I would give him my soul if he would reduce my height. I had four candles burning on a pentagram and I went to sleep without putting them out. Two of the candles burned through to the carpet, setting it on fire, and as my duvet was just about to be set alight, I woke up.
